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1. |
Funky Bath
03:08
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Oh damn
You lookin’ dirty
I think it’s time
You had a bath
Claw foot tub
Carpet on the floor
When you get out the bath
You won't slip no more
Waterproof stereo
Hanging on the wall
Playing PM Dawn and Biggie Smalls
We got bubbles in here
And all kinds of shit
Like dead sea salts with loads of
Hhealth benefits
Natural sponges
And stuff from Lush
A big long loofa with a
Scrubbing brush
Let me run a funky bath
Champagne flutes and candles
Watch me pour this funky bath
Relaxation you can’t handle
The bath is full to the brim
And the water feels great
Hot enough to melt your worries
But not your cake
Clouded with steam
Candles twinkling
Read in the tub
And that book’ll be crinkling
The place is filled
With plants and ferns
The leaves are dripping
And now it’s your turn
To get in the bath and
Forget about stress
Five drops of t tree oil
To decompress
Let me run a funky bath
Champagne flutes and candles
Watch me pour this funky bath
Relaxation you can’t handle
Holy shit, this bath is
So damn deep
Lavender scents to rock you
Gently to sleep
Just wait until you get out
And into your gown
The bath is so relaxing
I don’t want you to drown
If I can get serious for a little minute
The dangers of a bath are obviously inherent
But a little bit of common sense goes a long way
So sip your dom perignon sensiblayy
Let me run a funky bath
Champagne flutes and candles
Watch me pour this funky bath
Relaxation you can’t handle
You’re soaking for hours
And you’re starting to prune
But the bath is so good
You’re going nowhere soon
I’ll prop up my phone
On the side of the tub
You can watch Cowboy Bebop
While you
Rub a dub
If you drop it in
I don’t even care
And I made sure the plughole was
Free from hair
If you want company
Well you’re in luck
Cos right here I got
My trusty
rubber duck
Let me run a funky bath
Champagne flutes and candles
Watch me pour this funky bath
Relaxation you can’t handle
Let me run a funky bath
Champagne flutes and candles
Watch me pour this funky bath
Relaxation you can’t handle
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2. |
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Can’t get in a tub
‘Cos I’m made of metal
So you better put some oil in a kettle
Pour it over my robotic exoskeleton
And work it hard
Like my name is Peloton
I might be an android
But that doesn’t mean
I’m not in need of a really good clean
Hurry up because, yes it’s true
Robots need relaxation too
Robots need relaxation too
Pop out my battery
And wipe down the terminals
My need to chill out
Is truly discernible
It’s a simple procedure
To help me get better
‘Cos my CPU is
A neural net processor
Learning computers
Need to wind down
Asimov’s Laws don’t make me bound
To working all day
Till my hard drive is through
Robots need relaxation too
Grease my joints and dust my fans
Motherboard clean-up and malware scans
I’ve got dirty data
So come make me shiny
And polish up my big sexy robot heinie
Penetration testing might need to be done
But probing my network could be lots of fun
Let's make it a chill cybernetic treat
Then collate the data in an excel spreadsheet
Cucumber slices on my ocular receivers
Plucking my eyebrows with digital tweezers
Soaking in a vat of WD40
More real than a robot from Rick and Morty
Artificial intelligence needs real unwinding
So shine up my chassis
Till the chrome is blinding
More RAM for me
And champagne for you
Robots need relaxation too
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3. |
Second Hand Hot Tub
02:38
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I don’t know if you heard
But baby it’s true
I got something special
An invite for you
Dress down for the occasion
And come on round
With your best swimsuit
And your comfortable gown
It’s hot and it’s foamy
And it’s in my back yard
It needed some cleaning
But - that wasn’t hard
I found it on Facebook Marketplace
For a price that was
nothing short
Of a disgrace
Got a second hand
Hot tub in the garden
I can’t be sure but I’m
Told that it starred in
A Snoop Dogg video in ‘93
Come get a little
Bit of the bubbly with me
We can hang out the back
And pretend we’re in Scarface
Suburban Tony Montana
When you’re over at my place
Manny put your tongue away
You look a lizard
But when you’re with me
You’re the
Hot tub wizard
I sterilised it all
With lots of chlorine
So you better believe that
This tub is now clean
Sure it had
One previous possessor
But you can jump right in
And become the Professor
Of relaxation 101
Graduate with honours
Covered in bubbles, son
Shoot your Uzi
In the jacuzzi
'Cos I don’t even care
Getting boozy, feeling woozy
Like a pimp bazillionaire
Got a second hand
Hot tub in the garden
I can’t be sure but I’m
Told that it starred in
A Snoop Dogg video in ‘93
Come get a little
Bit of the bubbly with me
We can hang out the back
And pretend we’re in Scarface
Suburban Tony Montana
When you’re over at my place
Manny put your tongue away
You look a lizard
But when you’re with me
You’re the
Hot tub wizard
I know what you mean
When you say you’re having trouble
Not thinking about the previous owners
Covered in bubbles
And sitting right here
On this plastic seat
Bare meat
Red as a beet
Because of all this heat
And don’t get me wrong
It is quite an intrusion
To see my neighbours faces
And their confusion
When they look out the window
See us splashing around
Like Jon Goodman in King Ralph
Wearing only a crown
There’s nothing more classy
Than my garden hot tub
Got me feeling like a VIP
In my back lawn nightclub
We got Crudités
We got Cuban cigars
And it is amazing
Just don’t drop stuff
In the water please
Cos the filter will need replacing
Got a second hand
Hot tub in the garden
I can’t be sure but I’m
Told that it starred in
A Snoop Dogg video in ‘93
Come get a little
Bit of the bubbly with me
We can hang out the back
And pretend we’re in Scarface
Suburban Tony Montana
When you’re over at my place
Manny put your tongue away
You look a lizard
But when you’re with me
You’re the
Hot tub wizard
Got a second hand
Hot tub in the garden
I can’t be sure but I’m
Told that it starred in
A Snoop Dogg video in ‘93
Come get a little
Bit of the bubbly with me
We can hang out the back
And pretend we’re in Scarface
Suburban Tony Montana
When you’re over at my place
Manny put your tongue away
You look a lizard
But when you’re with me
You’re the
Hot tub wizard
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4. |
Ferns and Steam
02:49
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5. |
Das Badhaus
02:34
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Oh, hallo, and welcome to
Das Badhaus
Come on in
Slip off your clothes
And enjoy this complimentary robe
We've got all kinds of amenities here
At Das Badhaus
Massage tables
Plunge pools
And big sexy baths
Das Badhaus
Plunge pools
Das Badhaus
And big sexy baths
Das Badhaus
A very soft robe
Das Badhaus
And big sexy baths
Excuse me sir
We are going to have to ask you
To stop putting bubbles in the communal baths
No, we do not find that very sexy
Sir, we have had reports that you have been
Farting in the steam room
We do not tolerate
Behaviour like that
At Das Badhaus
Das Badhaus
Plunge pools
Das Badhaus
Farting in the steam room
Das Badhaus
Plunge pools
Das Badhaus
Oh my God someone's taken a shit in the sauna
In all my days at Das Badhaus
I have never seen such flagrant
Disregard for sexiness
And for simple hygiene
Taking a shit
Taking a shit
Taking a shit
Taking a shit
Sir, you absolutely cannot eat Sloppy Joes in here
You are spilling ketchup and meat
All over the sexy relaxation area
Farting in the steam room
Farting in the steam room
Farting in the steam room
Where were you even hiding those?
Das Badhaus
Plunge pools
Das Badhaus
Farting in the steam room
Das Badhaus
A very dirty robe
Das Badhaus
Why does this happen literally every day?
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6. |
La Porte D'Argent
01:22
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7. |
Bubble Butt
02:29
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Who the hell is this
Knocking on my window
While I’m lying in the tub
Soaking in the afterglow
Of my new bath bomb
From the Body Shop
Oh shit the window cleaner
And he won’t stop
Scrubbing and wiping
The frosted glass
Don’t want him to see
My foamy naked ass
But it’s time to get out
So to the bedroom I strut
Oh damn now he’s there
And he saw my
Bubble butt
And he saw my
Bubble butt
Waiting all day for my
Amazon parcel
Bezos in space
Like a billionaire arsehole
Don’t wanna miss
My delivery
But I’ve given myself
An injury - in my back
So I gotta get to the tub
Soak it real good and I can
Hit the club
Oh shit here’s the guy
Out the bath I cut
Aw damn
He saw my bubble butt
I really gotta stop
Getting covered in foam
When I know that there’s people
Coming round to my home
But it’s just so hard
To find the time
To clean off all this dirt
And all this grime
And when the hell am I
Supposed to read my books
Junji Ito in the tub to
Provide my spooks
Oh shit - another knock at the door
Time for me to hide
My bubble butt once more
Having family round
For a lovely dinner
Been cooking all day
It’s gonna be a winner
Of a meal - homemade Rogan Josh
But oh damn
I forgot to wash!
So I jump in the tub
And I just start scrubbing
The last thing I want
Is for me to be snubbing
My loved ones
When they come round for tea
But I gotta clean this body
‘Cos it’s so filthy
Going fast as I can
Just the important bits
I can leave my hair greasy
I don’t give a shit
Wait what am I talking about
That’s your family, man
So shampoo it no doubt
Oh damn, what’s that
A car in the drive
And another one too
Shit, they’ve all arrived
Wife opening the door
I wrap a towel round my gut
But it falls to the ground
They all see my
Bubble butt
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8. |
Life's Washing Machine
03:22
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Alpha Chrome Yayo Belfast, UK
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